The "Musts" and "Shoulds" of Communicating with Parents
"Being a parent is tough, and it helps people to know that someone else recognizes their efforts."
- Geneviève Provençal
Communication is a subject that simply will not stay in a little box. It inevitably breaks out and embraces bigger issues.
This year's Prime Minister's Award recipients tend to see communication both in the narrow terms of simply transferring messages, and in the much broader terms of building and maintaining good relationships with the parents of the children in their care.
In practice, the recipients say, passing on messages tends to be immediate - the "must" part of communication. Communicating to ensure ongoing positive relationships with parents, in contrast, is the "should" part - and can sometimes fall by the wayside, the recipients note.
The "Musts" of Communication
An obvious example of required, essential communication is a parent's request. When a parent wants his or her child to have only a half-hour nap, that message needs to be written down and read by all staff members. That same parent who is up late that night dealing with a child who had a two-hour nap earlier in the day and can't sleep is an unhappy parent, says Tammy Gingras of the Childcare Family Access Network (C-FAN) in Manitoba.
Here's an idea…
"It's a busy time when all the children are arriving in the morning. This one needs help with their boots; that one is trying to open the dress-up box. A clipboard for the sign-in attendance sheet for a staff person to carry around is really helpful. Ours has a cover, so we can even take it outside without the sheets blowing around."
- Tammy Gingras
Because the consequences of not dealing with a "must" are often immediate and sometimes unpleasant, everybody does deal with them.
Perhaps the most basic tool of essential communication is a sign-in book or sheet. A sign-in book helps keep track of who is in the facility and when (see "Taking Attendance"). Sign-ins are almost foolproof, although one recipient reported that parents have been known to enter false drop-off and pick-up times in an attempt to lower their monthly bill.
Staff members at Manitoba's C-FAN group of early childhood education settings use communication journals to record information parents give them, such as when a friend or relative is going to pick up a child instead of a parent. The journals are also useful for staff members to convey messages to one another, such as a weather report when it is going to be exceptionally hot or cold, so they can plan activities accordingly.
Communicating the other way - that is, getting messages back to parents - can be trickier. "Writing things down on a notice board or in a newsletter is great, but only when all the necessary people actually read the thing," says Geneviève Provençal of the Centre de la petite enfance (CPE) À tire d'aile in Drummondville, Quebec. Provençal reports that she and her colleagues sometimes resort to measures such as attaching notes to children's clothing to get messages to parents.
Provençal says that oral communication is the most dependable way to make sure messages get to parents. CPE À tire d'aile is one of many Canadian early childhood education settings to use shifts for its staff. Depending on which shift she is working, Provençal either tries to catch parents as they are dropping off their children or picking them up.
Provençal likes to play to her strengths in relating to parents. Because she is gregarious and used to taking the lead in social situations, she is always willing to meet parents more than halfway.
In one case, she says, "one father never told me when his child was arriving or leaving, so I asked one of my colleagues to let me know when the father arrived. I approached him and told him how important it was to talk about his child's progress with staff at least once a day."
The tactic worked. "He comes in and talks to our staff every morning now," says Provençal. "He is no longer in my group but he still says hello to me."
The Larger Picture
This year's recipients see communication as a key part of meeting a larger goal: a good relationship with parents.
"I hear stories about genuine communication problems with parents, but my experience is that they are very rare," Provençal says. "But we need to do more than just pass messages successfully," she argues. "There should be an active dialogue between the parent, child and early childhood educator about what the child is doing every day."
Here's an idea…
"Children's hands are not fully developed until the age of seven. Until that time, you have to modify activities so that the children get a good result and can feel proud of what they've done. When teaching about Gwitch'in beading on moose hide, I provide felt for the older children to use, while younger children sew mitten-shaped cards."
- Elizabeth Kaye
Denis Archambault, who runs Au Jardin d'Alexandre with his wife, Marie-Josée Portelance, in Gatineau, Quebec, agrees. "Education is something that happens at home first, and daycare and school are an extension or complement to that," he explains. "If the parents don't talk to you about what they are doing at home and they don't take an interest in what their children are doing in daycare, it is very difficult." (See "Getting It Down on Paper," to learn about a tool Archambault has developed to tackle this problem.)
It has become progressively harder to keep those roles clear as society has begun to rely more and more on institutions such as early childhood education settings, camps and schools to help raise children, says Archambault.
It's not that the parents don't care, adds Provençal. "We all lead such busy lives today that it is too easy for parents to drop their child off and pick them up and never really think about what this means to their child's upbringing."
The impetus to make the extra effort to bridge the gap lies with the early childhood educator, Provençal says. "We have to remember that we are there for the parents and not just the children."
Tammy Gingras agrees. "I like to maintain a good communication relationship with the parents so that their first reaction is to just come to me any time they feel uncertain about something, and I can go to them any time I need clarification," she explains.
At CPE À tire d'aile, the staff members begin by meeting all the parents at the start of the year. "I tell them who I am, who my colleague Chantal is and who the other women in the centre are. We talk about what they can expect from us and what we need from them."
Parents often choose a particular early childhood education program because they respond to the values it projects, adds Provençal. "If my director has told parents that we have a certain philosophy here, then the parents had better see that philosophy in action when they see me with the children. Otherwise, there is no point."
Archambault and Portelance like to begin by making sure that, in fact, they and the parents share a similar philosophy about what children need. "We make sure that everybody agrees that the child is the priority," says Portelance. "You can tell right away if they understand - people who don't feel this way will see very little value in what we do."
Portelance says that they have had an easier time as the years have gone on. "Our philosophy got to be known and parents who share that philosophy started to seek us out."
Keeping the Conversation Going
The backbone of good communication for Provençal is conversation. "If we don't talk, things will end up badly, so we have to talk.
"I know this as a parent myself when I drop my children off somewhere. I want someone to listen to me," she says, "regardless of whether we've had a bad day or a good day."
She begins with the parents' perspective. "I often say, 'You know your child best. What do you think is best for him or her?'" Other times she may offer some tips and techniques that work for her. "With two boys of my own, I know exactly what it feels like to have them bouncing off the walls."
Other times, she is able to direct parents to other resources. "When a mother is struggling because the father left her before the child was born, that is beyond me, but I can tell her where she can find help."
Finally, she believes it is important sometimes just to be a sympathetic ear. "Being a parent is tough, and it helps people to know that someone else recognizes their efforts."